Do you still have your period?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
