I will die if light touches me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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