I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
