he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
