My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
