well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
