Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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