also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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