EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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