Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
