she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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