Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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