Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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