Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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