dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
