Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
