Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize