You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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