He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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