This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
