What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
