We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
where are my eyebrows?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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