I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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