My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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