mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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