It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
