he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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