Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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