Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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