You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I currently don't understand fingers.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
