he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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