I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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