I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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