..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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