if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you had me at cake vodka
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
