Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
