Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
