is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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