you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
