Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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