I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
