I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
