all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
