I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
