We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
