My cat gives me a boner
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
