i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
