pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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