I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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