My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
