can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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