I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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