I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
