Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
