Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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