like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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