he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
