I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
