Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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