check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
