covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Buhtt sex?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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