don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
