and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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