The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
