so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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