mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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