Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
