I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
