you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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