Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
