Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
