i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
