i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
