OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!