I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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